Parents will always be unpredictable.
I know that what’s happening to me - the reactions I get from my parents because of my relationship with Irma - is something I could still change. In time, I have high hopes that my parents would see how important the relationship is for me, how I changed for the better because of my partner, and how genuinely happy and mature I am. I need them to see how true my feelings are. I want to give them the assurance any parent would seek when her child decides to “marry”. I pray that time will come for acceptance.
For the past days, I’ve been thinking a lot on how to deal or face the situation. I want to live with my partner after graduation. I know it’s a decision that would break my parents’ hearts. To them, I’m still a child. For them, it may be the end of their responsibility to look after me day after day. I worry that they might not understand as they showed me the last time I was home. I received one-line statements from my mom that expressed her disappointment.
Last night, I cried. Not much but I let out the saddest tears, so far. My decision was made. All I needed to do is to talk to my parents.
From Laguna, I went home to Bataan. I spent six hours on the road and as the place became very familiar, anxiety filled me in. Mom and Dad were not home. I felt panic and relief as I got my stuff. I bid good bye to my siblings. They didn’t know that their Ate decided to move out. I held up my tears when I looked at my sister. I took a trike and headed for the bus terminal.
On the way, I texted Irma that I would be home soon. She disagreed with me and told me to go back. In a few minutes, I was on the bus, got a ticket and stared blankly at the rice fields. I sent my mother a long message that summed up what I was doing. When Mom called, I burst in tears. She was, too. In between sobs, she explained that they weren’t mad nor against my relationship with Irma. Yes, they still don’t like it but they know they couldn’t do anything about it. She’s disappointment in my changed personality, not with the decision that I made. She felt as if I took her for granted. But I never did.
She pleaded me to get off at Hermosa. She and Dad would be there waiting for me. When I got there, I saw the car. Beside it was my dad, standing beside the driver’s door, smiling at me. He walked towards me and helped me with my wooden chair I bought from Asin, Benguet last summer. When I reached the car, my mother’s eyes were red. I was so sorry I cried again.
There was an intense atmosphere. I prepared myself for anything that might happen. But what occurred was entirely opposite of what I expected. I imagined that they would scold me for making them worry, yell at me and finally disown me. All these didn’t happen.
They took me to Subic and bought me lunch (it was already 5pm) at California Pizza Kitchen. They talked to me calmly. Dad kept on laying down his arguments on why he thinks that this is just a phase, a student fever. Mom elaborated on her point that they always give room for understanding, chances and of course, mistakes.
Both of them are certain that I only sought companionship and Irma is just a very close friend. In short, their conclusion is that I don’t really love Irma. That’s why they’re not getting too involved and just let me do what I decided to do.
I let them speak. I listened. But as I did, I looked at them in disagreement. Silence does not mean surrender. I will prove them wrong.
Meanwhile, I am so relieved that I still have my family’s support. I am greatly thankful. Now I wait for Saturday.